1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
