At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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