Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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