I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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