i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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