break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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