i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
