I think my fart just growled at me.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
