You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize