i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
