come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
