Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
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Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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