I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
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He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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