How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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