I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
