I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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