oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
