Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
