Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.