All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.