just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
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yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
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This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?