So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
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I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
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Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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