I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
