so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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