bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
