talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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