It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
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No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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