is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
