I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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