Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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