I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize