He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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