i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed