after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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