Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
