and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
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I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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