Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
