The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can't trust your balls anymore.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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