i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
