In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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