i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
