I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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