yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
