So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
