And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
