She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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