you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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