she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
