I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
