the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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