Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
