He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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