I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
