I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
