i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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