I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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