Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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