The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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