so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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